Being friends first then dating
New dating apps like Tinder, Hinge, and Coffee Meets Bagel make us log in with Facebook, and they display the mutual friends we share with users on the app, which generates feelings of credibility and trust.The worlds of dating and social networking are on a path toward convergence, and friendship is the driving force.Genuine friendships drive human happiness, and when we want the best for the people we meet and strive to help them excel in the things they value, we are deepening our capacity for quality friendships.The most influential line I ever read about cultivating friendships & relationships actually came from a nondescript Geocities page that I stumbled across in 2003.I mentioned my predicament to Jessica, and she excitedly revealed that her good friend had just moved to the city I was visiting.She quickly connected us via Facebook, where her friend and I immediately hit it off and subsequently spent the whole weekend together.We kept things friendly and fun rather than expecting things to turn romantic or physical right away.By not overtly expecting sex, commitment, or even compatibility upfront, and instead focusing on just creating a series of fun, memorable experiences, we had implicitly set the precedent for a approach to dating.
The friendship-first approach is not an isolated theory. Our existing friends have always been our best source of referrals.Consider when a friend invites you to a trivia night and you meet one of their other friends there and hit it off, or when you go to a friend’s birthday party and bump into someone new.Unfortunately, our friends typically share similar social networks as us, so it’s a bit harder for them to introduce us to our existing social networks.That means that only 2.5% of Americans are getting into relationships with people they met on dating sites.
Using dating sites to meet new If you can steadily make friends via dating sites, your dating and romantic life will almost necessarily improve.Sex and romance can definitely still happen in the context of friendship-first dating, but they are never assumed or expected, and the top priority is always to understand and validate someone’s existing preferences and goals rather than imposing your own goals and expectations upon them.